Breakfast Surprise

 After waking up, we usually just eat something quick or pack a breakfast, but Mala was excited this time. "What is it?" I asked. "Amerik breakfast!" she said. That's crazy! Did she really make scrambled eggs and toast? "Pig and Paun." She said. Paun is the word for bread. I was confused. She finally revealed the special treat. 

Yup...She knew I was American, so she made me a hamburger for breakfast! 

Week 1

Safely here in Phnom Penh. This is my room at my host family's house, (Mala and Banan and their kids Yoswey and Moria). Complete with bed, mosquito net, window (with a beautiful view of the neighbour's house,) and even a lamp

The outside of their house. The inside of the house is pretty much just two beds for 4 people and a kitchen, so they do almost everything out here.

Some of my most interesting moments so far have been on this moto. I ride with Mala to work everyday, because they like about 10 miles from World Relief. You can see 4 or 5 people on 1 moto pretty often, and people carrying everything from lumber to live chickens. I even saw a guy on his way gack from the hospital on a moto holding his IV above him.  I was borrowing a helmet, but that meant that someone else didn't have one, so I asked if I could buy one on the way home one day. So I purchased my first moto helmet. Mala helped me barter the guy down to 8 dollars for a good one. WHen I payed the guy asked. "You friends" pointing to Mala. I said yes. Mala said "no no. Sistaa!" It's nice to sort of be a part of their family here. 

I have been helping with an ESL/Photography teaching program for the staff here at World Relief. It is 2 weeks long, and then I think we move on to do it in the next provinces. It combines English learning with a practical skill that the staff can use while on the field to document what goes on. This is some of my section. They are all pretty amazing/genius.

One of the programs through WR is HIV/AIDS support groups in various areas. This is one of those groups that meets in a poor area outside the city. There were some intense stories told, mostly of women getting HIV/AIDS--one from working in a night club because her husband left her and her son and she had to get money, one from her husband when he worked in the city and slept around, and other places. 

These people seemed very poor and marginalized, with relatives who kept getting sick, and the constant scare that it could be AIDS. When Phnom Penh started developing the buildings, they cleared out a lot of residential land and moved people to these villages outside the city. Now they cannot afford the gas to work in the city, but the city is really the only place they can make good money. SO they are stuck in a viscous cycle. 

Yesterday I went with the Hope for Children Cambodia team to another poor village where they work with the children, educating them about health, and providing them a chance to learn and play and learn Bible stories. 

A rush for the pencils and paper

 A puppet show about the evil dengue fever mosquito

One of the guys who beat up the good samaritan--looks too cute to be a bad guy. 

Another ESL/Photography Lesson. Today we learned about light and composition. Some of these concepts are pretty complicated even for a native speaker. I'm very proud of this class. 

Mala, practicing using a camera for her class, took pictures of our lovely dinner together. Left to Right: Moria, Marisa, Banan, Yuswei. We were eating ground fish stuffed into tomatoes and soup and rice and some kind of delicious fruit. 

I had to get one with Mala in it. 

Teenager Ministry with Sineth and Tomm--games

Jouchty and I posing as Sineth practices photography

Someone running off with Tomm's shoes

Sineth talking about trafficking and HIV. He's a very good teacher. 

Frequently Asked Questions

I leave tomorrow morning! 

I've been getting a lot of the same questions from people these past few days regarding my internship, so I decided I would do this post in FAQ format. 

Who are you going with?

Although the HNGR (Human Needs and Global Resources) program is through Wheaton College, I go alone, not with a group. There are 20 other students doing a 6 month internship like I am, but in different countries, with different organizations, and different academic majors.

Who are you staying with?

I'll be staying with a host Cambodian family for at least the first month or so. 

What will you be doing specifically?
This is all I know at this point: 

1. Interning with World Relief in communications--photojournalism, helping with information documentation and publication in their various human development programs and working with church relations as they seek to empower the local church
2. Taking classes through the Wheaton HNGR program: Global Christian Perspectives, Anthropology, and Development. (Includes course reading, reflection papers, an ethnographical study of a location, and a pastoral interview).
3. An Independent Study Project through the Wheaton Communications department.

When do you go and come back?

I leave Tokyo June 9 and get back to Tokyo December 9, traveling through Korea. I will travel to the United States a few weeks later to go back to school for one more semester before graduating.

Why?

Why not? Or is that not a good enough answer. I signed up for HNGR originally for various reasons. I couldn't stay put in Wheaton for all 4 years, I wanted to experience poverty and social justice work in the developing world first hand, I wanted to apply my academic interest to practical social development, and I wanted to do something on my own, giving God the opportunity to work in and through my life and teach me crazy things. I find my primary purposes at this point to be to learn and to serve. I want to listen for how God wants me to serve and for what He has to teach me through new cultures, relationships, work experience, and perspectives.

What have you been doing during this preparatory time between school and HNGR? 

Reading, writing papers, touring with Frances, renewing my alien registration/ Japanese residency, Red cross certification, US state department registration, filling out several forms, packing, catching up with old friends, visiting up north, MC-ing and performing in a concert, hanging with my family, celebrating birthdays, graduations, and engagements, hanging with my family, eating delicious food, childcare, and other various activities

Photo taken by Philip Foxwell

Photo taken by Hikari Morimoto

Is it dangerous?

Answer for my father: Of course not, because I will be accompanied by 2 large, armed guards at all times, and whenever I step outside my padlocked concrete house, I will wear my sandwich board that says “You touch me, my Daddy's coming after you!” (And he would too... I think the movie Taken was based on him)

For everyone else: Any poor urban setting can present danger and any circumstance can pose a possible risk, but with common sense, preventative measures, a safety-conscious organization like World Relief, and the grace of God, I am not worried

What are you excited for?

A lot of people have asked me this question. I am very excited, but I don't know what I am excited about exactly. I hope to hear lots of amazing stories and make some of my own. I'm excited to learn more about the world and myself and others and God...also I hear they have great coffee...that's exciting.

What are you nervous/fearful about?

Nothing. I'm fearless. Nervousness and fear are not words in my dictionary. (Last night I combatted a giant spider in the bathroom with a kind of valour that has not been seen in these parts for centuries). Well...I'd like to be able to say that I am ready to confront every obstacle and overcome every emotion, but it's not true. (Maybe my biggest fear should be that people will not understand my sarcasm?) In all seriousness, what I fear is not any concrete danger or huge disaster. I fear letting people down. I know it just shows lack of faith on my part to fear people's disappointment, annoyance, or confrontation, and to think that the opinions of people matter in my own self worth, but it still worries me. I worry that I will disappoint the people I have come to work for and with. I fear that I will overwhelm people. I fear that I will underwhelm people. I fear that I will not live up to something, although I'm not sure what, and that my relationships with the people in my life, wherever they are, will suffer, and this all eats away at me until I have no confidence. I know that with the love of God we don't have to fear anything, in fact we are commanded not to fear so many times. I am trying to live with confidence in this truth. But I'm just trying to be honest about my fearful little heart. 

What do you want to do with your life after HNGR and graduation?

Get back to me in approximately 24 years.

MOST frequently asked question: So, are you ready for HNGR?!

Am I ready for an adventure in a new place, learning new things and meeting new people? YEAH! Did I accomplish my whole check list of things to do before leaving? Pretty much. Am I actually prepared for and aware of everything I am about to encounter? Of course not, but if I knew all things, then what would be the point in going?

2012 HNGR Covenant

This covenant was written by our Human Needs and Global Resources class as the 21 of us prepared to go out across the world for our 6 month internships. This is our prayer: 

Heavenly Father,
You are our refuge,
Our very present help in all things.
By Your grace we receive:
pardon for guilt,
freedom from shame,
hope for despair,
joy within sorrow,
courage for fear,
and peace for our anger.

Christ Jesus,
You are freedom for the oppressed
and dignity for the marginalized.
By Your grace, we ask
to join in Your redemptive work and
to carry Your death in our bodies
so that Your life is revealed in us.

Holy Spirit,
You are our strength,
the Sustainer of our Faith.
By Your grace, we affirm that you empower us:
to humbly receive transformation,
to stand alongside those who mourn,
to exalt you throughout the nations.

Holy Trinity,
in unity we confess our brokenness,
Knowing that we find wholeness in You.
Help us to be still and know that You are good.

Be with us now, Lord Jesus.

Amen.

To Friends and Family

To friends and family, and those who are suspended somewhere between those roles. To the people who support me, who offer both challenges and encouragement as I move through life: I thank you.

I am truly sorry to those who I have failed to keep in contact with. You are wonderful people. I want my friends to know: You are like family to me. I want my family to know: You are more than people I obligatorily call once in a while or see at large gatherings. You are also my friends. I'm sorry if I ever hurt any of you or frustrated you with my crazy ways. Thanks for putting up with me.

That being said, I thought I'd give a bit of a life update to everyone, which I don't think I have done for quite some time. My Junior year has been excellent. It flew by and I grew a lot through classes, people, and experiences. I honestly started out this school year with some anxiety and doubt in my heart. Although the summer was full of rewarding experiences, it was also difficult in some ways, and left me with some lingering questions and pain that had not been addressed. During the first few months back, I doubted God more than ever. I'm not really sure of the exact reasons, and I don't think they are too important to say now. I made mistakes, lost sight of hope and priorities, and struggled with being bitter, careless, and guarded, among other things. I may have strayed a little off of the path that some would wish me to stay on. And that's just it: I didn't really know who I was walking down that path for. This school, this work, my “faith,” my relationships...Who is it for?

At some point, (or several points) in a person's life, they have to look around to see if they live like they do because they have truly seen an empty tomb, or if they live with the mere acceptance that their parents showed them a great work of fiction that mentions an empty tomb. I'm not saying I didn't believe before this year, or that I have it all together now, but some of my previous values and assumptions were stripped away until I had to discover true faith and true hope. It was like a huge lightbulb had shattered and all that was left was this tiny little spark of a flame that God has helped me to protect. It's a small flame, but it is fiercely hot, and I am more certain of it than almost anything else. Because when everything else shatters, it flickers, but does not go out.

Meanwhile, this year I have prepared for my Human Needs and Global Resources internship that starts in about a month, and I am aware that more challenges and adventures are on the horizon. I have taken both difficult and easy classes, made new relationships and seen others drift sadly away. I grew close to people who were able to stick with me. It wasn't a terrible year. It was actually a wonderful one, that I always want to remember. I wrote my first screenplay and got my first piece of writing published in print. I wrote an entire rap album and had some beautiful conversations. My brother got married! And he's applying to med school. My other brother inspired me with his updates from Samaritan's Purse in Northern Japan. My sister and brother-in-law got settled down at their "grown-up" jobs, but they still know how to have a good time. (And I don't just mean Harry Potter marathons). Some friends got married and others are getting married. I spent time in like 10 different states and even a new country. I had crazy parties as well as times of tender silence. I watched the seeds of dreams in people get watered and begin to sprout. I had my life changed by some speakers, and had enriching naps while listening to other speakers. I got a tattoo. I had an awesome spring break. I was real with people. I played soccer, made lattes, fell in love with rap music, and toured my favourite building, (the Chicago Tribune Towers). I gathered with the Japanese community here to pray for our country every week. I met Man, the Burmese woman that I tried to tutor, but only ended up being inspired by her strength and making a fool of myself as I acted out various lessons. I changed my life plans about six times.

I learned that I don't have to be an Angel. I can be a "B"ngel or a "C"ngel and Jesus will still love me. I learned about loving all kinds of people and expressing myself in different ways. I learned about being joyful and thankful, even when it doesn't flow naturally, because having joy and hope, even when you don't feel it, or don't fully understand your life---that's what faith is. And when we have faith, God can accomplish super cool things. I'm not just talking regular cool things, I'm talking SUPER cool things. Even the regular cool things become SUPER cool when you see then through a faith lens. Just wait. Watch. Listen. Listening is so important. Don't stand still and let life happen around you. Run, leap, fall down, roll, stand back up, shake off the dirt, keep running. 

All that to say: I am still alive, living for God as best I can. I have no real life plan, but I'm ok with that, so I hope you are too. My roommate, Frances, got a ticket to come to Japan with me for a week in May, so I am really excited to hang out with her at home. I will be home until early June, when I leave for Cambodia.

Once in Cambodia, I will be a communication intern at World Relief Cambodia until December. This means I will be interacting with people who are working with or being helped by WR's various programs for Child and maternal healthcare, HIV/AIDS prevention and support, micro-enterprising for those with less opportunities, agriculture, and anti-human trafficking efforts. I will listen to their stories, write about what is happening, photograph, and film. It's all still very vague, but I'm excited to get involved however I can and open to whatever God has to teach me through this. At the same time as the internship, I will be taking a few human development and anthropology courses by correspondence, doing an ethnography project and a communications independent project, and trying to learn and experience as much as I can. It has been a little stressful getting all the logistics together and corresponding between people while also trying to finish up classes here and prepare to leave all of my friends, but I am so glad for this opportunity. I would really appreciate prayer while I am there. I don't know a lot of specifics to pray for yet, but just having courage and resources to get there and start something new will be difficult. I will try to keep posting updates throughout my time. 

I hope to be able to catch up with everyone soon. I love you so much. 

Marisa

Kingdom

Nowadays I feel like I'm on a backtrack

The stage is spinning backwards, the player's a little out of wack.

Give me drips of water in a cage like a lab rat

The music's all in minor key, my clothes are all in black.

Say I look like a funeral, well maybe I am.

Got my lips sealed  tight like the shell of a clam

I give a jab to the grotesque fingers of Uncle Sam,

Bang my head on Heaven's door like a battering ram

I'm trapped inside the unknowable “why”

Kneeling in the middle of a dust storm in Dubai,

with sand caked in my eye so I can't even cry,

Is execution the punishment for wanting to die?

If the Kingdom is here, why do its windows have bars?

If the doctor is healing, why do I have scars?

If there's Heaven above, why do we just see a shard?

If we're covered in love, why are we fighting so hard?

We're livin' in a world where Marines pee on corpses

Millionaires in porches control our portion

The 99% don't even care about the forces

Beyond the numbing drugs that the government endorses

So busy with your sex and your money and divorces

And stuffing your face with burgers made of horses

And of course it's something where we're all involved

The rappers and the ministers can't be absolved.

But when I stare in the face of these demons, I feel defeated

How could the vomit on this earth be deleted?

What is it in this world that goes the most needed?

I know you won't show, but at least you might tweet it.

Hashtag “love?” Altruistic intentions

They might go beyond your i-god inventions

But the cybernetic world has a 3 second attention

So I feel the apprehension as I stand in dissension.

Now my eyes are looking wetter than yours, and a bit redder

Like a down-hill sledder, I'm partying double-header.

Maybe I don't follow all the rules to the letter

and the godly can't stand the smell of smoke on my sweater.

Outside I'm like steel, but there's wounds inside guarded

Can't help but feel completely disheartened

Like there's no way in hell that my mistakes could be pardoned

But maybe above the sun there's something getting started.

Is there something left for me beneath all the marine pee?

Can't understand the plan, it's so dark I can't see.

So cold I can't breath, So loud I can't hear

Is this dream of power just a regime of fear?

Smeared with the blood and confusion and tears

of the suffering around us, but we try to steer clear.

Take a look at the world inside the burning mirror

and scream through the smoke “the Kingdom is near.”

Revolution

I'm just trying to create something original something great

That will stand the test of the hand of fate

That will send the message before its too late

Of peace, and a life worth living

What stands to reason is a life of giving

And being forgiven for all my screw-ups

From bad to bust, I think the past just threw-up

On my present—so its time I grew-up

I hate fruitless fighting when the flame spreads across

Until its holocaust, holla if you're lost

It's all about the boss, we gotta take a stand

Truth glides through my fingers like a slippery sand

It's hard to change the land when opposition is banned

And beauty is canned, it's like candy

We got Miller Lite instead of brandy

And-he says that it's all fine and dandy

Cuz you're afraid of Rameses, afraid to be Ghandi

We are all a little bit pansy.

I'm sinking right in to this perilous couch

With my eyes glazed over and my shoulders slouched

And Check this: I'm running out of Chex Mix

So I savour each bite like its Christmas

If you think watching the news will make you turn off the snooze

then you gotta stop drinking the government's booze.

When you let the TV put your mind on cruise control

then you lose control

Let corporations take what they choose: your soul.

When you see what it cost, all that you lost

Will you take the path walked like Robert Frost

Don't be tossed around, take the overgrown road

Get on your soles, lift your overblown load

Of knowledge--you can't buy that here,

So let's raise the sword to face the fear

Raise the pen to race the darkness

as it erases, gazes turn heartless.

Face this maze, don't be a living carcass

There's still a spirit of life that can spark this

change, don't save it for tomorrow, cuz mark this:

There's no day like today to say what you gotta say

I have to keep smiling or I'll cry every day

I have to keep moving or I sink into the clay

If we walk on, we're proving, we will find a way

not to lay on that apathetic couch in dismay

We won't crumble away. We won't tatter or fray

We'll choose the right battle and on that ground stay

rooted. As there are many more recruited

You can't compute it. we will not be muted!