When Paul
complained about one of his weaknesses and short-comings, God replied
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
your weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). What if we truly believed
this? What if we lived with the joy that our weaknesses are vessels
of God's perfection?
We tend to take our
images, photoshop them within an inch of their lives, and send out
this highly edited version of ourselves to press each morning for
public consumption. Social networks (this blog is no exception), are
a perfect medium for selectively displaying yourself to the world
without being real. We start to believe the facebook profile of our
lives, instead of the real thing. We live under a myth that we are
competent, but this myth only serves to further isolate us from
community and from God. Think about it—the more we are willing to
let others see our flaws, the more time we spend with them and
investment in them, and they will reciprocate. But when we do not
allow others to see our true selves, we become more and more
separated from them. Life becomes a holiness competition, which
basically resembles two siblings fighting over who's toys are cooler, when they all came from the parents and were intended for sharing.
Holiness is a gift
that is imparted to us within a community. It is not a status created
by our behaviour in contrast to our community. Bonhoeffer wrote in
Life Together about sin and confession: “Sin wants to remain
unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it
poisons the whole being of a person. This can happen in the midst of
the most pious community. In confession the light of the Gospel
breaks into the darkness and seclusion of the heart.”
This fear of exposing sin can happen in the midst of pious settings,
(such as a Christian college, or a Christian NGO), perhaps even
especially in these settings. We are afraid of the judgement of the
“holy” believers around us, not wanting to contaminate the
apparent perfection, and therefore, we hide in our sin and guilt,
contaminating the community in a deep and unseen way. We are
pretenders.
We dare not admit
limitations. We dare not be broken. Recognizing our brokenness, and
even going further to confess it to others, requires an attitude of
humility for individuals and gracious forgiveness in a community. It
is not a monologue, it is a conversation of the sinfulness of each of
us and forgiveness that we are all able to show because God's
forgiveness is so vast. I know I have struggled to be open about my
sins and struggles all the time, partly because I am intimidated by
piety around me, and partly because of my own reservation and
isolation, but the more individuals willing to honestly open up, the
easier it will be for others to drag themselves out of isolation as
well.
Blessed are the
poor in spirit, those willing to see themselves as broken, sinful,
weak, clinging in desperate dependence to a saviour. Blessed are
those who mourn, those who outwardly express the inward state of
grief and dissatisfaction in their hearts. With this expression of
emotions, people can find healing in the group around them.
To own our own form
of poverty, to embrace the blessing of the poor in spirit, means to
come before the mighty God with our brokenness, knowing how deep is
love is, how vast his forgiveness is, and how his power is made
perfect in our weakness. Can we be both saints and sinners at the
same time? Can we be in spiritual poverty, but still be blessed?
Maybe, in this upside-down kingdom that Jesus came to announce. Only
the admittedly broken can most perfectly apprehend the mystery, the
meaning, the all-surpassing sufficiency of God's grace.
Ok, that's the end
of my ramblings that don't have much to do with anything...but really
have a lot to do with everything. Peace and love. Marisa
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