Kingdom

Nowadays I feel like I'm on a backtrack

The stage is spinning backwards, the player's a little out of wack.

Give me drips of water in a cage like a lab rat

The music's all in minor key, my clothes are all in black.

Say I look like a funeral, well maybe I am.

Got my lips sealed  tight like the shell of a clam

I give a jab to the grotesque fingers of Uncle Sam,

Bang my head on Heaven's door like a battering ram

I'm trapped inside the unknowable “why”

Kneeling in the middle of a dust storm in Dubai,

with sand caked in my eye so I can't even cry,

Is execution the punishment for wanting to die?

If the Kingdom is here, why do its windows have bars?

If the doctor is healing, why do I have scars?

If there's Heaven above, why do we just see a shard?

If we're covered in love, why are we fighting so hard?

We're livin' in a world where Marines pee on corpses

Millionaires in porches control our portion

The 99% don't even care about the forces

Beyond the numbing drugs that the government endorses

So busy with your sex and your money and divorces

And stuffing your face with burgers made of horses

And of course it's something where we're all involved

The rappers and the ministers can't be absolved.

But when I stare in the face of these demons, I feel defeated

How could the vomit on this earth be deleted?

What is it in this world that goes the most needed?

I know you won't show, but at least you might tweet it.

Hashtag “love?” Altruistic intentions

They might go beyond your i-god inventions

But the cybernetic world has a 3 second attention

So I feel the apprehension as I stand in dissension.

Now my eyes are looking wetter than yours, and a bit redder

Like a down-hill sledder, I'm partying double-header.

Maybe I don't follow all the rules to the letter

and the godly can't stand the smell of smoke on my sweater.

Outside I'm like steel, but there's wounds inside guarded

Can't help but feel completely disheartened

Like there's no way in hell that my mistakes could be pardoned

But maybe above the sun there's something getting started.

Is there something left for me beneath all the marine pee?

Can't understand the plan, it's so dark I can't see.

So cold I can't breath, So loud I can't hear

Is this dream of power just a regime of fear?

Smeared with the blood and confusion and tears

of the suffering around us, but we try to steer clear.

Take a look at the world inside the burning mirror

and scream through the smoke “the Kingdom is near.”

Revolution

I'm just trying to create something original something great

That will stand the test of the hand of fate

That will send the message before its too late

Of peace, and a life worth living

What stands to reason is a life of giving

And being forgiven for all my screw-ups

From bad to bust, I think the past just threw-up

On my present—so its time I grew-up

I hate fruitless fighting when the flame spreads across

Until its holocaust, holla if you're lost

It's all about the boss, we gotta take a stand

Truth glides through my fingers like a slippery sand

It's hard to change the land when opposition is banned

And beauty is canned, it's like candy

We got Miller Lite instead of brandy

And-he says that it's all fine and dandy

Cuz you're afraid of Rameses, afraid to be Ghandi

We are all a little bit pansy.

I'm sinking right in to this perilous couch

With my eyes glazed over and my shoulders slouched

And Check this: I'm running out of Chex Mix

So I savour each bite like its Christmas

If you think watching the news will make you turn off the snooze

then you gotta stop drinking the government's booze.

When you let the TV put your mind on cruise control

then you lose control

Let corporations take what they choose: your soul.

When you see what it cost, all that you lost

Will you take the path walked like Robert Frost

Don't be tossed around, take the overgrown road

Get on your soles, lift your overblown load

Of knowledge--you can't buy that here,

So let's raise the sword to face the fear

Raise the pen to race the darkness

as it erases, gazes turn heartless.

Face this maze, don't be a living carcass

There's still a spirit of life that can spark this

change, don't save it for tomorrow, cuz mark this:

There's no day like today to say what you gotta say

I have to keep smiling or I'll cry every day

I have to keep moving or I sink into the clay

If we walk on, we're proving, we will find a way

not to lay on that apathetic couch in dismay

We won't crumble away. We won't tatter or fray

We'll choose the right battle and on that ground stay

rooted. As there are many more recruited

You can't compute it. we will not be muted!  

De-face

You stand on the stage of the universe

Struggling to take a bow

Tripping on your grown-up ballgown

Wonder what people think now.

You think you're inadequate?

Even when the crowd shouts “no”

When you feel trials coming you get

terrified to face the blow

But Divine breathe is flowing through you,

behind and before and beyond,

and to the people all around you

Giving you a brand new dawn

Stop worrying that smart isn't genius,

that a C is worse that A

Feeling, pretty but not quite gorgeous

Wishing yesterday was today.

Sweat slides down your eyes and blinds you

In a fog of self-esteem

Try to trap everyone behind you

As you strain for the halo's gleam.

Even after all your feats,

All you can hear is your flaws

Ringing through the broken wires

Why can't you hear your applause?

People look like they're glowing

But they're all draped in disguise

If all you want to see is normal

You'll never want to open your eyes.

We're all trying to pass off the blame

But craziness pulls at our heels

Like Achilles in stilettos

We know just how weakness feels.

Reality check

Perfection's no reality

Though the media battles this truth so gallantly

We are all fragments of twisted humanity

Defined in our essence by total insanity.

Fumbling around on this spinning planet we

keep staring in the mirror and just can't let it be

the way we were made with a scribble and a shade

Now cease this charade 'cause that's not how lives are weighed

The warmth of curled lips or the depth behind the iris,

the spread of goodwill like an insidious virus

The willingness to stand on the high-dive of fate

and peel off your mask despite pride and hate.

That's the breath flowing through you

Exhaling what we wish to taste

But we don't want to dive into true

as we painfully de-face.

Like all the sudden your clothes are saran-wrap

Your skin is as clear as the sky

All the demons you hid inside you

Can be found by the scorching eye.

The spotlight will show no mercy

And the world may continue to scowl

But you have to get out of the nursery

And release that scraping howl

Let it radiate on your face when

you take off your mask

When you rise up from the basement

into the sun. Just bask

in the knowledge that you are accepted

And don't have to keep taking aim

You are a celestial wonder

you don't have to be ashamed

Feet

What happens when the voices that you trusted most mess up,

Lead you into the wild but are too afraid to 'fess up?

What happens when you realize that your model of truth

has been lying to you?

Now what am I supposed to do about the words I learned to use?

Your eyes would illuminate in all the dark places

but now they absorb light from our fiery faces.

Your footsteps were long and deep as I hopped to the next

Till my gaze rose to meet this vast nothingness

My world tips and spins as the cheshire cat grins

Now the winner loses, but nobody wins.

Where are my own feet? Are they lost forever?

Sinking into these footprints of never?

What was left is right and what was right is wrong

And now they're making horror movies out of sing-a-longs.

I keep on sliding up and leaping straight down

mumbling and tumbling into the ceiling-ground.

A life that used to be like the rows of a choir

has been slapped into a drunken circus on fire.

My heart hammers harder and my legs swivel faster

hoping to find a ticket out of this disaster.

In the midst of the smoke and the sick-cycle drone,

my feet—yes my own—slam into something stone.

I drink in the smell of a rock never changing

and take root on paths that won't need rearranging.

The direction of this bedrock is still up for grabs

But it is unshaking beneath my tired scabs.  

The Son Will Rise

Level 9 quaking, no anticipating destruction as far as the eye can see.

Surging power blackout, lines at the checkout, trains stop.

suddenly

Roads twist like wires, squealing of tires, showers of glass

Gotta stand your ground,

wonder who's been found,

and how long it will last?

Oh Japan aishiteruyo

Find solid ground, ganbarou

I see your weary soul, I see you lose control,

But lift up your eyes,

'Cause in the morning your sun will rise.

Our hearts, our hands are shaking, the lives we built are breaking

breaking

down

The earth tilts on its axis, now the moon never waxes. Darkness all around.

Smoke shrouds the skyline, the children are crying. We can't ignore.

How the waves hit the people leaving only a steeple as waters roar.

Oh Japan aishiteruyo!

Find solid ground, ganbarou

I see your weary soul, I see you lose control,

But lift up your eyes,

'Cause in the morning your sun will rise.

Who can be blamed

for buildings in flames and mass evacuation?

The people who are still here are trembling in such fear and devastation

Still, I have to ask the question why,

tens of thousands had to die?

What do you mean you don't know?

Can we live in trust that

out of this dust that,

something new and beautiful will grow?

Oh Japan aishiteruyo!

Find solid ground, ganbarou

I see your weary soul, I see you lose control,

But lift up your eyes,

'Cause in the morning your sun will rise.

Terrifying aftershocks,

power plants like ticking clocks spewing radiation.

How will we ever unwind

these tangles as we try to find hope for this nation?

Japan, I know you feel destroyed,

like your world has become void, but try to be brave.

I wonder

with houses blown to pieces, will people cry to Jesus to come save?

Oh Japan aishiteruyo!

Find solid ground, ganbarou

I see your weary soul, I see you lose control,

But lift up your eyes,

'Cause in the morning your sun will rise.

Now the months go rolling by, like clouds in the silent sky

We're all “fine.”

But the farmers throw away their crops

People flee faster than morale drops

When will the next one resign?

Has it been so long

We've forgotten all the wrong, and we turn away

Stand up on this cracked street, shake the dust off your feet

Nihon Ganbare!

Too Cool For Cool

Let Me introduce you to the kings of microbrew

Beers, classy lattes and Argo tea too

They'll sink you like Titanic if you don't give them organic,

Free range, free trade—just don't make them panic

They gotta eat light 'cause their jeans are too tight

Welcome to the post-modern hipster plight.

Bodies emaciated, minds inebriated

But they never hated on you, unless you weren't like them.

Toms and Cons alternated with something funky and underrated

These are proudly paraded under a cuffed up hem.

All caffeinated and justice-related

With pricy bags faded, like thrift-store gems.

They like social justice and will gladly discuss this

In a cool little club playing underground tunes

But it's gotta be indie, 'cause that is what's trendy--

If too many know it then they're way too mainstream

Scarf-draped heroes with body mass: zero

Despite the appearance, they're not what they seem

Think society should be leveled, but hair perfectly disheveled,

while snapping photos and black and white stills

Thicker-rimmed glasses separates them from the masses

as well as other unique artsy skills.

Headbands with a T-rex, headphones and V-necks

Don't you know all this protesting won't pay the bills?  

What I Know At 20

An Essay for Professor Philip Foxwell, Life 101

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man had a thriving business, a life which weaved effortlessly between continents, a loud and loving family, passionate involvement in global mission movements, and enough travel and adventure to fill several lifetimes. The word successful could be used to describe his exploits, but I believe he is a part of something far beyond success. This man asked his four children, of which I am the youngest, to read the book “What I Wish I Knew When I was 20: A Crash Course on Making your Place in the World,” in an effort to teach us about life, business, challenges, opportunity, and success. Being a hopeful 20-year-old, I thought perhaps there would be some magic to actually discovering these things at that age. Tina Steelig, author of this book and professor at Stanford University, would claim that “the key to success is the ability to extract the lessons out of each experience,” especially the challenges, obstacles, and failures, and to “progress with that new knowledge” (13). This may reflect the truth, but there are a few things that I have learned, (by the age of 20), that transcend these academic theories. Is progress really the key to success, and success the pinnacle of life? It makes sense in my mind, but something turns in my stomach as I try to accept this as the key. This cognitive dissonance proved to me that the book had some helpful insights, but it was lessons learned from the people in my life, namely the wisdom and integrity of my father, that has brought me to this place at the age of 20, ready to take on the world, one wave at a time.

There are a few phrases that are always on the tip of Daddy's tongue—phrases that anyone who knows him well would recognize as his maxims. I'm not talking about “nein fraulein,” or “huge tracts of land,” but those used almost as often. I don't know how many times I have heard, “You can't just sit there!” “Work hard, play hard!” “Be thankful!” “Keep the main thing the main thing!” “dive under the wave,” and “Let love and faithfulness never leave you!” As I reflect on these words that have almost become cliché to me, I am struck by what good advice they are, and how they connect to the book. A wise man I know once paraphrased Socrates: “I don't know everything, but I do know some things.” With all the wisdom my dad has given me, there are some things I know and some things that will always be unknown. That being said, without further ado, this is what I do know, at the age of 20.

You Can't Just Sit There

There is a tiny creek flowing between doing nothing and doing something, but the two sides of the creek lead down life-alteringly different paths. Steelig agrees that “the two options have wildly different outcomes” (Steelig, 19). Daddy has a few go-to stories to illustrate his various points, but one story is the definite front-runner. As he tells it, an old man ties handfuls of helium balloons to his lawn chair, grabs a 6-pack, a sandwich, and a BB gun, and sits in it as it lifts off into the air. Things got a bit out of control and he ended up lifting 15,000 feet or so into the air and getting in the middle of air traffic of LAX. He finally came down onto power lines after several freezing and terrifying hours in the air. When reporters later asked him why he attempted such a feat, he answered, “You can't just sit there.” That is a favorite of my dad's because he loves to encourage people to get moving, take initiative, and do something.

As Steelig's book says, “The world is divided into people who wait for others to give them permission and people who grant themselves permission” (57). I have experienced frustration at times with the current state of the church. The epistle of James calls believers to be “doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves.” I can relate to this concept. I like to be a peacemaker, facilitating the actions of others in harmony, but I have learned that this needs to be balanced with the desire to challenge the corruption and injustice of the world, going out of my comfort zone to make a change. Opportunities are all around us, like when I got lost on a run and ended up asking for help and getting a job offer in the process, or when I had no plans for spring break so I signed up for what would be an unforgettable service trip with the homeless in Denver. “Most of us are content with taking small, reliable steps. We don't get very far, but we don't rock the boat either” (28). After the tsunami ravaged the coast of Japan, the roads up north were closed and communication was difficult. Rather than biding his time until he could go help the people in Shichigahama, my dad did everything he possibly could to make his way up to the devastated area, even before the self-defense troops were able to arrive. Against the warnings of radiation in Fukushima and the roads that were closed to civilians, he fearlessly took action, because that is the kind of man he is. He has inspired me to rock the boat, going out into the world to passionately combat evil at every chance I get.

Work Hard, Play Hard

Hard work is something Steelig wrote about and I have certainly seen embodied in my dad. I have no idea how he maintains the busy schedule that he does. He makes business trips to the U.S. that have meetings in a different state every day. His office is a place where challenge turns into opportunity. The very premise of his company is combatting the difficulty of cross-national business expansion by creating deals and negotiations in which everyone walks away smiling. With hard-work and open-minded determination, he has caused a tiny new company to grow into a flourishing business.

But working hard has always been only half of his slogan. Daddy loves to play more than almost any person I know. No matter how much he ages, he claims he will always be “18 'till I die.” He loves his toys, projects, exotic travels, and spending fun time with the people he loves. He is an excellent creator of fun, and has a lovely sense of humor deep down in his heart. Steelig quotes her own father in her book, “You shouldn't take yourself too seriously, nor judge others too harshly” (181).

Years ago, our family sat in a car on one of our long, exciting journeys, and decided to hammer out a family mission statement. “Have fun serving God and loving the people he brings to us” was the simple phrase we wrote down. It has permeated my life even without much thought. When a friend suggested we take a fifteen minute study break together, I thought she was referring to a fifteen minute break from fun to study. Sports have always been an exhilarating way to spend my time. I enjoy having a life filled with humorous and exciting experiences. Even in the face of possible humiliation or disaster, I like to take risks. A little mischief is necessary every once in a while in my life, otherwise I will go crazy. If someone gives me a dare, or a prank opportunity, I'm usually onboard. Adventures may flop, but “failure is an important part of our learning process, especially when you're stretching your abilities, doing things for the first time, or taking risks” (72). Perhaps I do not spend enough time studying, compared to a college full of perfectionists, but I try to find the balance between working hard and playing hard that my dad managed to find. Not only does is add excitement and enjoyment to the life we have been given on earth, but a sense of fun and adventure can enhance our ability to accomplish our tasks.

Be Thankful (Intentionality in Relationships)

Be thankful and intentional in relationships. This one seems like a given, but many people do not live in this way. This one goes back to Grandpa Foxy telling us the importance of thankfulness, and Daddy reiterating it. Steelig says to “Do the right thing, not the smart thing, so you'll be proud to tell your story later” (158). I know that I am proud to tell his story, because he is a lover of people and has a thankful hear in all circumstances. He notices people and treats them respectfully regardless of what they deserve. The success of his business depends largely on his ability to recognize the needs of people and try to facilitate them. Building relationships is one of the most important things in business and life. After years of mentioning my dad in various places, and having people find connections to him, it doesn't surprise me anymore to realize the vast network that branches out of him. He is a team player, building up his fellow workers and praising their work and characters. Sometimes the strange assortment of people that my dad attracts is humorous to me, but he recognizes them each as children of God and appreciates the worth of each individual.

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

Some people think there is a formula for success: magic words or rules or steps. This pharisaical mindset is what angered Jesus in the gospel more than almost anything. As Grandpa Foxy and Daddy have always urged, it is important to look at the big picture of life and “keep the main thing the main thing.” Failing in little details is not the end of the world, but failing to see what the details are a part of or what they lead to can make life impossible. Break the Rules. Break free from guidelines by having a “healthy disregard for the impossible” (Steelig, 34). Even bad ideas have the seed of potential. Life is much like business and writing—the best at it get to bend the rules and be creative, as long as the main point is there. There's no set formula for success, because often succeeding means escaping the formulas and traditional box. We don't have to follow a daily routine or a rule book, because freedom and creativity is a valuable asset. A runner can try all kinds of preparations and and techniques in a race, but if they don't know where the finish line is, they will never win. Not only are the small assumptions in life not important in the long run, but some are hinderances to truth and progress. Steelig says to “Give yourself permission to challenge assumptions, to look at the world with fresh eyes, to experiment, to fail, to plot your own course, to test the limits of your abilities” (175).

Dive Under the Wave

When troubles come like a giant wave, we can't let them knock us off our feet and tumble us around. We have to brace ourselves and dive under them. My dad is prepared for difficult times and resourceful in reaction. Rather than staying braced in one position, he keeps the future open for unexpected opportunities “Uncertainty is the essence of life, and it fuels opportunity...it is the fire that sparks innovation and the engine that drives us forward.” (183). Our old cabin at Takayama was a heap of rotten wood with holes and mushrooms everywhere. We were surprised that all the wind and rain and earthquakes around it did not knock it down, but then we realized that when the earth shook around it, it was so weak that it would just bend and sway with the earth. Resilience. This is what kept it standing. I know I am only twenty, but I have seen a share of disasters and troubles in my life. I could let these struggles knock me down and push me to the swirling depths of the sea, but from watching my dad's example, I try to dive under them and use their powerful force for good.

Let love and Faithfulness Never Leave You

These words from Proverbs 3:3 will always be in my mind and heart because of Daddy's repetition of them. The book mentions nothing of love and faithfulness, but I believe they are more important than any strategies for success. They are pillars of my dad's life and what I respect most about him. I hope to absorb his wisdom and apply it to my life in order to be more like this man that I love so dearly.